What if we believe?

Today (December 21) is the Feast of St. Thomas. Thomas was one of Jesus’ inner circle of 12 disciples, who we read about a few times in the Gospels, most famously in John’s Gospel, after the risen Jesus has appeared to the disciples in a room when Thomas wasn’t with them. They tell him that they’ve seen Jesus, but Thomas wasn’t having it. He lets them know in no uncertain terms, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”

And that’s where we get the nickname, “Doubting Thomas.” Of course, Jesus loves Thomas and waits for him to be gathered with all the disciples and Jesus appears to them all and tells Thomas to, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.”

Thomas declares his faith, thankful for Jesus giving him the proof that he asked for. And Jesus finishes up the exchange by saying, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”

In a world now with AI videos and illustrations, maybe Thomas would double-down on his need not only to see, but to touch and experience Jesus for himself in order to believe. This week, I’ve been sitting with and mulling over what it is to believe and what believing does for us.

I stumbled across this from one of my favorite writers Brian Doyle in his book “How the Light Gets In And Other Headlong Epiphanies”

“The miracle is that we all believe there’s a miracle.
If we didn’t believe in the unbelievable there is no
Mass and no Church either, and then where would
We be? The church is a vocabulary for that for which
We have weak words.”


On the one hand, what we do in faith is to believe in the unbelievable. Using our rationale faculties alone, we might all be in the same boat as Thomas. But faith is more than just reason. As the writer of Hebrews says, “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” (11:1)

Faith, hope, and trust are strands of the same rope, wrapped around and strengthening each other. When I sit still in prayer or meditation; when I get to the top of a trail and stand on rocks looking down at the countryside below; when I watch the sunrise or stare up at the stars at night, it’s not reason that lights up.

When my daughter Ava and I are decorating the Christmas tree and thinking back over years of Christmas memories and laughing at the talking Dwight Schrute and Michael Scott (The Office) ornaments she bought; when Holly and I are sitting in a Charlottesville brewery talking with friends about life, hope, loss, and dreams–it’s not my rational brain that lifts me into elevating thinking and feeling.

There are so many ways to look at the lives we are living and life around us. This morning I was reading in “Spirit Wheel: Meditations of an Indigenous Elder” by Steven Charleston, who is both a member of the Choctaw Nation and has served as the Episcopal Bishop of Alaska.

In “One of Those Days,” Charleston writes (excerpted)–

“Today I believe in the final victory of hope over fear.
I believe in the worth and dignity of every human being.

Today I believe all will be well with me
Through the love and grace of the Spirit.

I may have bad days again
But this will not be one of them.

Today I choose to stand again as a believer
In the future before me.

Some days I believe I can change the world.
This is one of them.”


Believing, like loving (agape love, loving God and your neighbor, loving Creation) is a choice. We decide what and whether we will believe; we decide if we are going to live and act with love for others. If we wait for hard, fast, rational proof to decide whether we are going to love or whether we are going to believe, we may spend our lives waiting.

Maybe that’s why Jesus says, “Blessed (helped) are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”

What if we decide to love first. What if we decide to believe and see what happens. Maybe in some small way, like Charleston, we might try to change the world.

* Featured image/art by Jean Paul Avisses

Delusions of Knowledge

When I look up at the stars, my response is wonder. When I watch a hummingbird hovering in the yard, I am fascinated. In neither case is my first instinct to analyze, label, figure things out.

Likewise, when I think about God, it isn’t to solve the Mystery, but to dwell in the Mystery, sit with it, let it wash over me. Not to try to pull it apart.

The mystery of creation is like the darkness of night–it is great. Delusions of knowledge are like the fog of the morning. – Rabindranath Tagore

Tagore is a writer who I have recently been drawn to more and more. He was the first non-European writer to win the Nobel Prize for Literature, in 1913. His “Stray Birds” are several, rapid fire blasts of sunlight, glimpses of illumination that cut through the shadows of unchecked rational thought. The painting at the top of the page is Tagore’s as well.

I’ve been sitting with the idea of paradox a lot lately–the notion that two things taken together are seemingly impossible, but actually true. Like when physicists say that light is made up of (behaves like) waves and particles at the same time.

Science and scripture are full of paradoxes. How can Jesus be both a Lamb and a Lion; how are the worldly poor the spiritually rich? Why do you have to let go in order to have everything? Why is surrendering the only way to victory? Jesus loved paradoxes and deep thinkers like Einstein saw them everywhere.

Why is that? One reason might be that our intellect by itself is not the right faculty to get us to the deeper truths. It would be like trying to use smell or taste to figure out the tip when you get the check from dinner–could be interesting, but ultimately not helpful.

I am never more frustrated than when I try to have all the answers; when I want to have things figured out before I move forward. I am never more at peace than when I allow myself to be in the moment, to be happy with/by/from the things and people that make me happy. And it is still hard not to want to know that I am moving in the right direction, doing the right thing, moving further up the mountain rather than backpedaling.

“One of the great constants in life is change.” That was the doctrine of Heraclitus, a Pre-Socratic Greek philosopher. A paradox and a truth. And not new information.

How we deal with change, how we deal with the mind coming up just short of what it is we want to know, those responses to life are what our lives become. There are all kinds of options: we can doubt, fear, bury our head in the sand and not give it thought, we can lose ourselves in work, we can party like it’s 1999.

I go back to a favorite Thomas Merton thought:

You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith, and hope.

That feels right. So when I walk outside after the storm and through the boat yard to catch the last bit of sunset and see this…

2016 Sunset Owl

And I walk back to the house and hear an owl in the top of a tree and then watch he or she take off and fly with outspread wings, I smile and sit with Tagore’s words that have been in my head on a Sunday:

That I exist is a perpetual surprise which is life.